Fifteen Years as a Californian!

With all of the anticipation about giving birth, I didn’t realize that August 3, 2017, marked the 15th anniversary of my moving to California! On August 3, 2002, after an 8-day road trip across the country from Philadelphia, I crossed into Fresno. I immediately wondered, “Where is California?” It was 112 degrees and almost everywhere I looked was a “W” or “Abortion Kills” bumper sticker. I felt like I had entered some kind of hell. Fifteen years, a PhD, a career, an elected office, a husband, and two kids later, I have a lot on which to reflect and for which to be grateful!

When I left PA that July day in 2002, I had an old stuffed bear strapped into the backseat and a best friend (with an amazingly comfortable and tolerant shoulder) next to me in the front seat. Aside from the fear and anticipation, as well as dreams and hope, I had little else. I knew no one where I was going, and I depleted most of my money to get to CA. All I really knew was that I had to get out of the dead-end life I was living and I was willing to risk anything to do that. The opportunity to attend graduate school on the other side of the country was the perfect escape.

Prior to that summer, I had been working in restaurant management. This was after several years of random jobs—and no jobs—that I could get with my “versatile” undergraduate degree in psychology. I had taken a few graduate classes toward a Master’s degree in criminal justice, but wasn’t sure if that was the right direction for me or what I wanted to do. In the meantime, I had become financially and emotionally dependent on a relationship that was not healthy for either of us. I knew that I had to make a drastic and fast move away or risk settling into that “normal” for the rest of my life. I remember sitting on a long, hard bench in the foyer of a pub having a come-to-Jesus talk with my brother, who has always also been a confidante and level-headed advisor, not to mention great friend. Rather, he had a come-to-Jesus talk with me. I was at a crossroads and didn’t know what to do or how to do it. He gave me the strength and courage to do what I needed to reach the potential that he saw in me then, which I didn’t see in myself for many years to come. And while others suggested—both subtly and not-so-subtly—that I should accept my fate in the world and in my economic and social class and settle into my current situation, he urged me—in fact ordered me—to go find my own way. I will never forget that hard bench or that talk.

I applied to a graduate program in Fresno, California, that was a great fit and then went to visit a friend in Belgium. In the time it took me to return and interview on the phone, I was accepted into a PhD program across the country. It was my door, and I opened it and not walked, but ran through it.

That drive across the country, filled with anticipation, was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken. I had almost forgotten that I wasn’t returning to Philly and my old life until we crossed into California and the self-doubt and anxiety took over. I wondered what I had done and whether I made the right decision. That anxiety was doubled when I realized that I had landed in what is one of the most Christian conservative districts in California! To say that I didn’t quite fit in is an understatement. And as a city girl, I found the suburban vibe of Fresno to be frustrating. But I stayed busy with school and research and working with at-risk kids (where I confidently realized that I did not want to do clinical work as a career!).

In my second year, I had an opportunity to intern with one of the Supervisors on the County Board of Supervisors. Although I knew where I stood on certain issues, I had never been political in any sense. Nor had I ever worked on or even thought about policy. It wasn’t something that I was considering, but a very wise friend who had done the same internship the prior year said to me, “You should do it. Even if you don’t like it, you’ll learn a lot.” That stuck with me and convinced me that, once again, I should walk through a door with the word “OPPORTUNITY” on it in invisible ink. I ended up staying for three years, working for the only Democrat in the county and learning not only about constituent services and “pothole issues,” but also about how I could use research and evidence to influence policy and even attitudes. This eventually became my career.

As I finished up my Master’s thesis research, I remember having a strange feeling that I had never had before: Contentment. I was truly happy in my life and, for the first time, excited about my future and its potential. I wasn’t too into the dating scene (there weren’t too many men there who were from somewhere else, wanted to leave Fresno, and had higher education, all of which were my criteria). In fact, the book Quirkyalone became my bible. It preached the idea of self-fulfillment and not settling for anyone or anything for the sake of it, but waiting for the perfect person for you. Someone who didn’t “complete” you, but who complimented you. And in that Spring of 2004, I met a guy who seemed nice and funny. I remember telling him on our first date that I was content at the moment with my life and my direction and that I wasn’t interested in a serious relationship. He agreed that we should take things slowly and play things by ear. A few months later, I was traveling in Japan and told a friend that I would end up marrying that guy.

In 2006, I completed my PhD program and my dissertation research. I had been hoping to teach for a semester at our Nairobi campus, but that had fallen through. The previous year, I had attended a meeting in Mexico City and fell in love with the city. With another door opening, the university’s Mexico City campus needed a professor for an undergraduate class, so off I went to Mexico City. While still in Mexico, I interviewed for a job with the California judicial branch to do policy research in the area of juvenile justice. I ultimately turned down a job offer to stay in Mexico to take the policy research job in San Francisco, where I still work today. That nice and funny guy who I was dating in Fresno came to San Francisco with me, and seven years later, I indeed married that guy.  

San Francisco has given me so many incredible opportunities and experiences. From the moment I arrived I jumped in to work with organizations that I admired and respected. From the San Francisco Women’s Political Committee to the National Council on Jewish Women to the World Affairs Council, I was thrilled to be working on policy issues to improve the lives of women and girls and to be working toward getting more women into leadership roles. I was then given the opportunity of a lifetime to apply some of that work to myself. Upon some friends’ recommendation, I applied for and was accepted to the Emerge California program, which trains Democratic women to run for office. This program opened up so many additional doors and introduced me to so many inspiring, incredible women doing amazing work. It also gave me an opportunity to utilize my leadership skills in ways that I never thought of, and gave me the tools (and courage) I needed to run for office myself.

I can’t count how many times I’ve had to pinch myself to believe where I was and how far I’ve come. From being elected as a California Democratic Party delegate to attending events and chatting with  US Congress members to briefing state elected officials on issues important to our community to shaking hands with the Vice-President of the United States, I often find myself wondering how I got so incredibly lucky to be presented with so many opportunities. What is most thrilling, though, is the opportunity to be a part of positive changes in the city and the state that will ultimately improve people’s lives. I was passionate about being part of Vaccinate California and working to pass SB 277 and the work I’ve done to reduce human trafficking across California, and I was thrilled to be part of a team bringing back to life City College of San Francisco and making it accessible to more people. I’m equally thrilled to be a part of a movement to make higher education tuition free again in California. And I’m confident that the legislation I wrote to close a loophole in the Paid Family Leave Act will eventually pass. With the horrors on the national political stage right now, I’m also excited to be focused on services in my own neighborhood on the board of the Richmond District Neighborhood Center. There are so many other projects I’m working on, too!

My most important title and role, of course, is “new mom”. I gave birth to my first child while campaigning for the Community College Board, and with the birth of my second on August 1, a day before my 15th anniversary of moving to California, I have a new perspective on how important it is to have strong community leaders making our world, our state, our city, and our neighborhood a better place for them.

San Francisco is a different city than it was when I arrived. As much as I love this city, it is a hard city to live in, and becoming harder—and less affordable—by the day, especially with kids. As much as I would love to stay here forever, I know that the time will eventually come when things like owning a home or affording small luxuries will override the benefits that the city still affords. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that getting in that car in 2002 and starting my life over as a Californian was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and truly changed my life for the better.